Having played the Hokey Cokey with Big Brother earlier this year and leaving the show with a cathchphrase that’s more annoying than finger nails scraping on glass, we thought it time to catch up with ‘Showbiz’ Simon who we found rummaging through a bag of Camila Batmanghelidjh cast offs.
TGUK: You’re stepping into the arena of camp music… in terms of campness where do you rate your single:
Full on giving Village People a run for their money?
Move over Steps, Mr Showbiz has arrived?
Geri Halliwell has nothing on me?
SG: Oh definitely it’s up there with the Village People… Geri who?
Ooo she’s started earlier – Geri-Bloody-Halliwell, the campest music business creation ever. Bar none. 2/10
TGUK: Which one of the village people would you like to date?
SG: Just one? Okay, the construction worker? Wait, was there a construction worker? The one with the helmet…
Two questions in and we’re already on helmet talk. Bravo. 9/10
TGUK: He could come around and fix your pipes…
SG: That’s dirty. But yes, he can fix me with his screwdriver.
With a screwdriver? Dear god man, you’re flesh and blood not a distribution board. 5/10
TGUK: God’s answer to gay men is:
-Blue Nun with a Babysham chaser?
-Tom Daley in his tiniest costume?
-The ability to up light a room with a single soft tone light bulb?
SG: Anything with Tom Daley. Tom Daley, the construction guy from Village People and DVD of Weakest Link with Anne Robinson.
We’re so team Anne Robinson. We’d give anything to hear her tell us we’re weak, that we need punishing, that we’ve been naughty, to sit in the cupboard… 10/10
TGUK: Your look seems to consist of glittery jackets, are you channelling Liza Minnelli?
SG: Love Liza! Do you know how much that jacket cost? I got it off a cruise ship. I was thinking about getting it in different colours. When we were shooting the video I didn’t think it was bright enough so I added a boa.
When in doubt add feathers – it’s always been our motto. 10/10
TGUK: Was shouting “Showbiz” at everyone on that first night of Big Brother a stroke of marketing genius or a mistake?
SG: I call it Genius Marketing Mistake. It was me with lots of
new people I went into hyperactive showbiz mode. People shout “Showbiz” at me in the street.
The only other person who has a catch phrase from Big Brother is Nicki “Who Is She?” Grahame and look at her now. You go Showbiz… 6/10
TGUK: Champagne is?
SG: Something we called in Showbiz a mixer.
We call it breakfast at TGUK Towers. 7/10
TGUK: Who is your favourite Kardashian?
SG: Kim… That butt. I don’t know any of the rest of them, there are so many of them.
You’re right there’s so many of them – every seasons they add another K. It’s like us on the clubbing scene circa 2004. 5/10
TGUK: You said you wanted to be the next Maggie Thatcher discuss?
SG: God, why did I say that? I think she was a strong character and she wore a lot of blue suits…
Practically twins. 8/0
TGUK: Who would play you in the movie of your life?
SG: The construction worker. 10/10
There you have it. With a score of 72/100 Simon Gross proves he has what it takes to live a Showbiz life… Liza, Champagne and Maggie’s suits!
