XXX : RETURN OF XANDER CAGE – The extreme sports turned International superspy franchise returns for the third time. Vin Diesel takes over both sides of the camera to attempt to repeat the Fast & Furious blockbuster reboot/relaunch thing.
Nutshell – Xander Cage aka Vin Diesel comes back from death to travel the globe sorting out the baddies who are making satelites fall from the sky onto unsuspecting cities but as per usual who are the actual bad guys here? The action two movies ago was incredible and here it goes up and up with each action beat climaxing in some mid-air super stunts in the finale as he saves the world in stunning fashion again.
Running Time – 107 minutes; Certificate – 12A
Tagline – ‘Kick some ass, get the girl and try to look dope whilst you are doing it’.
THEGAYUK Factor – Vin Diesel with muscles pumped up like balloons with buff sidekicks and hundreds of steroid enhanced bad guys this is a jerk off fest for blokes into REAL men sweating around and on each other – it just stops short of deep throat French kissing. The underwater scenes are pure gay porn alone.
Cast – Vin Diesel, Samuel L Jackson, Toni Collette, Donnie Yen, Neymar Jnr and Ice Cube… true fans will work out what exactly this cast means after the last movie in the triple X franchise.
Key Player – This is one guys film and it is Mr Diesel – He took over the Fast And Furious Franchise after 4 average films and turned it into the biggest money maker outside of Star Wars and he gives it all and some to hopefully do the same here.
Budget – $85 Million but struggling to get outside of its home fanbase in the States but it is exactly the sort of film to do big business internationally – Number Four in the series is up in the air at the moment but we think and hope they will go for it big time.
Best Bit – 0.34 mins; So so much action here its like a Bond film on steroids and the best is a superb motorbike chase on land… and then even better on water and through the surf – very impressive.
Worst Bit – 1.37 mins; The comedy relief is a techy girl called Becky and boy is she annoying no more than when she is forced into a gun battle that you just want it over and done with.
Little Secret – The world’s greatest footballer Brazil’s oh so fit as f*ck Neymar Jrn makes his acting debut here and not in just one extended scene but two – more please maybe shirtless next time.
Further Viewing – XXX 1 and 2, Fast And Furious 5 through 7, The Expendables 1-3, James Bond 7-21 (Stop at Casino Royale if you like action) Jason Bourne 2 and 4 plus all 28 movies starring Jason Statham.
Any Good – If you like this sort of thing you will love this – it is a true fans only movie. If you want acting, character development, poignant stories move right along… nothing to see here. It is way better than number two and we hope there are more. In the dictionary under Friday night popcorn movie you will probably find this films title alone.
Rating – 67% out of 100.
