What happens when your boyfriend won’t stop hooking up with the lad from your last threeway and doesn’t invite you?
My boyfriend keeps seeing a guy that we had a threesome with. This is even after I told him that I’m not cool or comfortable with it. I’ve told him straight to his face. I don’t have the courage to tell the other guy to knock it off.
I really don’t know what to do. I love my boy and I’m sure he loves me but it hurts me that he’s insisting on seeing this other guy, outside of a threeway.
What should I do?
We asked two of our contributors to give their advice.
Lee Henriques, writer
First I’ve gotta ask – is this an open relationship? Do you normally allow a regular hookup/no strings attached situation between the two of you or is this guy someone your partner’s made an exception for?
If it’s the latter, and it bothers you this much, it sounds cliché and obvious but you have to communicate your feelings. If you don’t, it’s going to build and become an even worse situation – but it’s a little confusing as to why he’s insisting on hooking up with this person in the first place; maybe ask him if he’d like to open the relationship (if it’s not already) or if you’d be interested, perhaps broach the topic of sharing your sexual experiences with a third person.
It could benefit the both of you but make your boundaries clear. What’s bothering you the most? Is it the fact he’s hooking up with someone else or the fact that that person is someone you’ve both hooked up with in the first place?
Communication and honesty are the key pillars of any relationship (thanks Cosmo) and if you’re uncomfortable you have to let him know. He probably wouldn’t want you being uncomfortable and keeping it bottled inside and if you love each other then you can make it work. It sounds like it’s just sex so maybe the other guy won’t even mind and will look elsewhere but if it continues and they both ignore your wishes, it’s hard to do but maybe re-evaluate the kind of relationship you want vs. the relationship you’re in.
Hope this has helped – I’d love an update!
Tom Driver, The Knee Jerk Columnist
I don’t really see things like other people so if my interpretation of the situation is “off point” please forgive me.
I read that you are threatened by this situation and suspect you may know why! As you have both hooked up with this guy in the past I guess you know what happens when he gets together with another man and will have an insight into what it is your bf sees in him.
So I guess the resolution is can you do that for your bf and cut this third person out? Or are there similarities between him and you that identify the type of person your bf goes for and this is ringing alarm bells in your head?
My other thought on it is the boundaries of your relationship and whether you are lacking the confidence to negotiate/set/impose them? It can be relationship changing to appear either dominant and insistent or insecure and frankly, this could appear to be both and more.
Got to be honest fella, if the other guy has a heart and you know him I would be speaking to him and asking him to put himself in your shoes and show some respect for you and your relationship.
In the final analysis: men like men and men like cock. All of that is tangible and real, relationships between men are based on the intangibles of love and trust, if that isn’t there then perhaps your bf is subtlety letting you know it’s time for you to look elsewhere too.
Jake Hook, Editor
Ultimately you should find out why your boyfriend wants to continue this other relationship without you. A future of any sort of relationship with him really does come down to this – and whether you’re prepared to accept the answer.
What exactly is making you uncomfortable about his third-party hookups, because when you dig down to the root of your feelings, you’ll have your answer on what to do next.
If he is set on continuing this relationship, you really only have three options. Dump, Live with it or Thruple it. Have you thought about opening the relationship as a thruple? If you’re all up for it it could be a beautiful addition to your life. Some people can make this work, but you will need a certain level of maturity, trust and open-mindedness.
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