When a new boyfriend buys an extravagant gift, which makes you feel uncomfortable what should you do?
Dear Dilemmas,
I got together with my boyfriend a few weeks before Christmas, so we haven’t been together long. However, he bought me a laptop as a present, because my old one died – and I really need one for uni. However, I didn’t really think we were doing gifts, so I only bought him a bottle of wine. I’m not sure if he can afford the computer, but I feel like it’s wrong to accept something so big of him.
What should I do?
Toby
Go halves
Dear Toby
It sounds like your boyfriend’s heart is in the right place, but buying you a laptop is probably way too much at this stage in your relationship and maybe this is a really grand gesture on his behalf to show how much he cares. But you say you have a feeling that it’s wrong. Ask yourself why does it feel wrong?
If he knew that you were both “not really doing gifts” and he still bought you an extravagant gift I would worry that this guy doesn’t know boundaries or is trying to buy your affection. It might make me question whether he’s trying to own you – knowing that you can’t afford this item, which is tied to your success at uni. It could put him in a position of power over you.
There’s a couple of options. Firstly, you need to communicate about how you feel – communication is key to any successful relationship and especially in a new one. You can politely refuse the gift and say it’s just too much at this stage in your relationship or you can make an arrangement to pay him a manageable monthly instalment for half of the computer – that way you get to keep it, but you’ll also half own it.
