RAMPAGE – An outer space Scientific accident and the world is faced by giant marauding animals and the only thing that can save mankind is 6.6″ of man-muscle in the shape of the king of bulges Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson.
Nutshell – Three animals get hit by a dangerous pathogen from an exploding space station, one of which is The Rock’s best mate, a giant albino gorilla. They get to be real big and nasty and set out to destroy Chicago and beyond but can Dwayne and his female sidekick save the day, get his monkey mate back from the darkside and beat the human conspiracy behind it all? Be warned you may need a hanky before the end and not for wanking over the big man’s incredible sleeveless biceps.
Running Time – 107 minutes – 12A
Tagline – ‘Big Meets Bigger’. Our favourite hot-as-fuck man-ape meets real bare bottomed monkeys.
The Gay UK Factor – Dwayne Johnson is one of the hottest men on the planet and if you are into muscles there is no-one bigger and better. He is now the highest paid actor on earth and just coming off of two monster hit films in Fast & Furious 8 and Jumanji so he is hot in every single meaning of the word. He knows how to please his gay following spending huge amounts of time in shirtless/armless tops and tight ass trousers. After his Diehard movie Skyscraper and Suicide Squad 2 we will get the most anticipated gay movie of all time… no not Mamma Mia 2 but The Rocl buddying up with The Stath (Jason Statham) in Hobbs and Shaw the ultimate bald-headed, muscle off, all action, all fighting gay fantasy and yes there is shirtless sweating scenes a plenty.
Cast – Dwayne Johnson, Miss Moneypenny herself Naomie Harris, Negan himself from The Walking Dead Jeffrey Dean Morgan plus a bunch of very sexy bad guys and thugs who get taken out all too soon by one of the killer animals as far as we are concerned.
Key Player – This is a one-man show so it is Dwayne’s film but he is equalled paw for fist by the CGI gorilla George who will steal your heart and you will believe he is truly real. If you love animals you will be happy likewise if you like masculine male muscle you will be too.
Budget – $120 Million and it looks like it will make that back in the USA but any film with The Rock in is a goldmine internationally so it’s at $180 Million Worldwide in the first six days and about to be released in the Far East where they eat this monster movie stuff up and can’t stand things like Star Wars.
Best Bit – 0.95 mins; The ending is great but that would mean spoilers so let’s go with the very funny second scene of the movie in the gorilla enclosure which sets the entertainment tone perfectly for the film after the silly giant rat opener.
Worst Bit – 0.15 mins; The brother and sister baddies would fit better in a rubbish camp batman sixties TV episode and they are as about as threatening as a two-inch cock in a dark room.
Little Secret – This looks like the first truly successful video game movie transition ever especially after the recent tipped but flopping Tomb Raider continued that jinx. Yes, this was originally a computer game. This is so unlike the games in many ways which is maybe why it is working most notably in the computer version the giant Gorilla, Wolf, Crocodile etc are originally humans whereas here they are just mutated or enlarged versions of the animal which makes a lot more sense.
Further Viewing – Godzilla’s 1 and 2, Jurassic Parks 1 through 5, Mimic, Eight Legged Freaks, Them, Razorback, Lake Placid and either the original or latest Kink Kong’s but not the 1976 Jeff Bridges version for the sake of your own sanity.
Any Good – There is a word you only ever see in movie reviews and that is Hokum. This film is the definition of Hokum as it is total utter nonsense but done with such passion, love and humour that you will forgive it anything. The action is superb and there is plenty of it along the lines of some epic building shattering Superhero or Transformers film but with some female appeal here. Dwayne’s continual successful good run continues and he is still the king of action, international cinema appeal and 50% of gay men’s vinegar strokes jerking fantasy…
Rating – 57% out of 100.
