In a recent issue of The Sun, stalwart Agony Aunt Deidre gave some advice to a man who had recently been caught with his trousers down with his sister’s husband.
The man was caught by his sister having sex with her husband, the reader expressed feeling trapped and having nobody to turn to and that his sister was distressed and that she wouldn’t talk to him again.
Diedre replied that his sister had been betrayed by two people she loved and trusted and that his actions were inexcusable, but he must make sure that the husband must take half the responsibility…
We thought we’d ask some of our writers how they’d have tackled the problem.
ALEX Da Silva (Birmingham Correspondant)
Impulse is a dark force that many succumb to, and sometimes it is uncontrollable. Human beings live day by day experiencing all sorts of instinctive outbursts, ‘do I get a dessert after that big main?’; ‘shall I hit the snooze button again, and make an excuse about the train being late, to get more sleep?’ and sometimes impulses drive our minds further where temptation is undeniable.
Looking at your case, this ‘itch’ appears to have been initiated by your sister’s husband, a step which would have taken a lot of courage to make. I have gone through something similar myself, and although the person who will hurt the most will be your sister, due to the fact that both men of her life have betrayed at once and together, there is an emptiness one feels to have been that person to cause such hurt and mistrust. I am sure that you are nice person, always paid your bills, and maybe have bought a Big Issue here and there, but society is very quick to coin people whose actions are of a negative nature.
However, your sister is your blood, and is a person that you could not live without. To get her back, you must give her that space, for every time you text, ring, visit her you are just taking her back to that dreadful moment, event of which wounded you all. Send a letter here and there about a memory you have shared together, send a card for her birthday and Christmas, but keep at that for now. It’s a gash so deep that unless you are a mutant with regenerative qualities, will take some time to heal.
In regards to your family, they are hurt too. It is going to take not as long, but the same care, of not trying to apologise or try to talk about that night, it should be periodical attempts at maybe conversing with your mother first, as she loves unconditionally and let her have her peace and work from there. She could really help you mend the bond between you and your sister.
Family ties are bound forever, and though there may be slashes and tears, you will work together to restore your home again. Just keep faith.
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JORDAN Lohan (Food and Drink editor, Brighton)
I can imagine your sister’s world crumbling at the seams walking in and finding out that her brother is “the other woman”. Throughout your description of this hideous event, you don’t actually explicitly admit to being sorry or express any feelings of remorse or regret. You even have the audacity to reminisce about his touch being “electrifying”.
If you were truly sorry and understood the real implications of what you and the husband had done, it should make you feel sick and uncomfortable. “I feel trapped” is your final sentence and that sentence comes from a selfish place of wanting to help YOURSELF. Your sister is the victim here, not you.
I don’t think your relationship can ever be 100% salvaged with your sister, you fucked her husband and you fuced the trust between the two of you which should have been sacred and pure.
If I were your sister, I would want you to pipe down, go away, and get some counselling to delve into the reason why you warranted the sabotage of your and her relationship, and come back when you were truly sorry.
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