So the thought of 3, 4 or 5 exuberant lads together making sweet music is one undeniably interesting prospect. One, I imagine causing many a nightly stirring whilst staring at your latest pinup poster of One Direction from Smash Hits. Hang on does Smash Hits still exist? Yes, apparently it does. Jolly good. It gets the mind-boggling, doesn’t it? How on earth do 5 guys share a tour bus, hotel, swanky lads pad in North London without straying to the gay side?
Putting aside the cluster f**k images I wonder why on earth boybands are so gay. And I don’t even mean in a ‘that’s so gay’ way. It’s like everything they’ve been marketed to be is actually Gay with a capital G. “Researching” for this article I stumbled upon The Wanted’s homepage and delved into their personal info. Every member had an innocuous homo whispering (from favourite colour pink) to the to the blatant holla (favourite movie Brokeback Mountain and loving Gok Wan.) Now I’m not saying a HetroBoy shouldn’t like cowboy cock films, but it does seem a bit odd. Doesn’t it?
THE OVERTONES
3 out of 5 men prefer lads… These stats speak for themselves and we salute you for coming out so early in your careers. Plus these pretty boys look like they’re fresh out of a D&G advert so we’re pleased that the window shopping could possibly turn into purchases!
WESTLIFE
There’s only so much pastel wearing and bleaching of hair a boy can get away with before the gay police come knocking. There’s something about the way those boys hopped off their bar stools at the key-change that reminds me of my youth – when a Britney tune came on. Plus one of the lads is a fully fledged ‘one of the boys’ – so they all gotta be – it’s gay science.
THE WANTED
Five lads that between them enjoy Sex And The City, Brokeback Mountain, the colour pink, Steps, Michael Barrymore, America’s Next Top Model and Gok Wan. Don’t know about you but my Gaydar has just burst into flames. Now I’m not making assumptions and I’m not someone to point my gay finger at anyone, nor cast dispersions on anyone’s sexuality – but as Mr Clary would say it’s Uncanny and Unnatural. The only heterosexual lighthouse in the midst of all this Gay is the song ‘Glad You Came’ which I know is a common relief that a lot of straight men crave.
TAKE THAT
These men just get a little sexier every time I see them. At first, it was all bondage and lighting fires with Lulu but now it’s a stronger bond. 20 years on, a little more rugged, fathers, old mates, comrades of the pop machine – hanging around a campfire remembering the good ole days when they could wear jockstraps and cream themselves in music videos… Gay right?
O-TOWN
Christ the first single was called Liquid Dreams. Enuff said.
